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So this is me. At home and ok. My mum and dad are the best (mum and… - My heart is mine to give to whom I will
..and I have the Gift of a Mortal Life..or choose to fade with the Grey Ships.

arwens_ghost
Date: 2008-11-01 17:14
Subject: (no subject)
Security: Public
So this is me. At home and ok. My mum and dad are the best (mum and dad). Not husband and wife!! Thats OK. Thanks - all!!!! my friends who've supported me!. I'm still here and struggling - with u. xxx.
Im ok but life is lonely.
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tammy00
User: tammy00
Date: 2008-11-01 17:42 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hey Tamsin!! *BIG WAVE*

I'm glad you started updating again.
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User: (Anonymous)
Date: 2008-11-01 18:24 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You always have a friend here,
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arwens_ghost
User: arwens_ghost
Date: 2008-11-01 18:25 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
sorry that was me.
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User: failureisfated
Date: 2008-11-01 19:47 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Holy crap I haven't heard from you in forever.
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arwens_ghost
User: arwens_ghost
Date: 2008-11-02 19:17 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hi, you - thanks for being there. Im coasting along and am always glad 2 c I have a few cool friends like you. xxx. Hows things? I do care.
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spyral_path
User: spyral_path
Date: 2008-11-02 03:22 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Welcome home.

I still have the card you sent me on the wall above my computer.
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arwens_ghost
User: arwens_ghost
Date: 2008-11-02 19:14 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
xxx.
Thank you.
There is always someone like YOU - to make me feel ok.
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perplexed_mess
User: perplexed_mess
Date: 2008-11-02 22:42 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Long time, no see!

Sorry you are still struggling.
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basket_star
User: basket_star
Date: 2008-11-03 16:02 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Ah, SO GOOD to hear from you and that you are okay. Have you been away, or just around and not posting? I've thought of you many times since you last updated.
Know how lonely feels, also know what it's like to be lonely and yet still isolate and withdraw from others.
So... keep updating, please? Just to say you are ok?
I wish I still lived in London area, would be nice to meet for a coffee or something. But nevermind.
xx
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Sakari
User: sakari_x
Date: 2008-12-28 18:34 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hello :)
I'm just starting to use my LJ again.
I hope you're well,
Sakari. xo
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User: (Anonymous)
Date: 2009-01-19 02:34 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hi, B. - sweetheart!!
Thanx SO much for your messages!
Sorry I've been so bad at checking my mail - but I always think so much about my online friends and I'm SO touched you remember me - coz I remember and DO think about U SO often. Im OK. Things are still tough with my family and I'm struggling to find a good home for myself at the moment. Its hard, but my folks love me and even though we're all a bit at sea there is life ahead. Dad is good and is getting on well - he is helping Mum sell our house - and Mum is hoping to be able to buy a flat close by her friends. - I've been in and out hospital with my eating disorder - just (-Ha - only slightly low weight) - and a couple of fainting induced injuries but I'm feeling like I CAN do more for myself and I'm going to get my own flat / apartment - in my local town soon.
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 . . .
User: summa1
Date: 2009-04-01 17:41 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I posted a while ago on the purg asking where you were. I'm so happy to see you writing again! Just to see your icon again! . . .
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Lindsey
User: dulce_violeta
Date: 2009-07-28 06:29 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hey!
I hope you don't mind that I add you. I'm from the purg, and I just think you're awesome ;)
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arwens_ghost
User: arwens_ghost
Date: 2009-07-28 08:26 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
:)
xxx
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eleni77
User: eleni77
Date: 2009-09-30 18:00 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
phew! Sounds like you're ok, I was worried. Let me know when it's a good time to meet up, I'm tired of online communication these days. Got your flat yet? I live in Cambridge now
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arwens_ghost
User: arwens_ghost
Date: 2009-10-01 09:31 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hi. I'm slowly moving into my flat in Sutton. It's happening. I'm finding life a bit of a struggle, but it's a struggle I'm dealing with and ok. Nice to hear from you. How are you?
Anyway, I'll be around in London next month if you would like to have a coffee or something let me know.
:) T
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User: (Anonymous)
Date: 2009-10-06 20:00 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm the same really, no improvement. Doing the necessary to keep me alive just to be sick.
I could meet you on a Friday evening (maybe afternoon if i take time off) or a Saturday any time. Text/email me a good day for you a few days in advance. It must be so exciting decorating your flat, it is so great having your own place. I could never go back to sharing! Will you get a pet? I'm trying to resist the temptation...
see you soon I hope!!x
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User: tungata1
Date: 2009-10-31 12:21 (UTC)
Subject: Haunting me
I saw your 'crumbling to dust' message a few weeks ago by accident, Arwens Ghost, and as a good ghost should you have been haunting me.....
I am 54 and began being bulimic at the age of 15. Would you believe it the term Bulimia had not been coined then? When eventually I was hospitalised and seen by none other than Peter Daly himself, he referred to my case as an Anorexia Variant....
But anyway, my bones ARE bad, VERY VERY bad.....and my teeth are worse....Now, I was bulimic and I guess still am! although I no longer purge the urge will always be there, the fatal desire to dispose of every mrsel that I consume is omni present!! and for me it is all about appearance and my perception of myslef as beautiful.......and I think I was. I see a picture of myself at 6 stone, every bone visable and I still think I look great
but now....I have an artificial hip. I walk with a limp and lurch due to one femur being broken beyond repair and three compound ankle fractures leaving one leg 2 inches shorter. My torso is twisted due to two vertebra snapping and my rib cage and cocyx deformed from numerous breaks.....my teeth are mostly dentures as the rest just crumbled and my jaw bone shattered upon having an extraction....
If you can imagine a Flake bar made by Cadburys and an Aero Bar and then imagine what happens when you try to break them...The Flake just falls apart in little splinters and the Aero breaks cleanly once. My bones, and probably yours as well, are like the Flake......the last Xray when I broke my femur in 4 places ( ouch) shows this Flake effect all too painfully and clearly...... I am held together by pieces of metal now and hurt all the time. I can't dance or run or play and it would be hard for me to get to the loo on my own......and most of all I am not beautiful in my eyes or any one elses, just a crippled skinny aging woman.

So, I am not saying to you to stop purging, far from it. That is a part of you and a very important part of your identity, ( perhaps your only identity: It was my only identity for many many years. ) But please have a care for your bones. If Alendronate is on offer TAKE IT ( please try not to purge that day even if it means a whole day of fasting). If Calcium is on offer TAKE IT....there is no point in you having come so far with so much suffereing just to be broken and unrepairable at the age of 50....

You are a brave lass. We Bulimics all are. We have to be to face our lives. Be that bit braver and look after the bones. You cannot get them back.

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arwens_ghost
User: arwens_ghost
Date: 2009-12-31 21:47 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Haunting me
SO sorry not to reply for so long but it's part one of my problems - keeping in touch with people and reading my emails!

You sound to me like a lovely caring person who is actually very much stronger than you probably think.

If you think how much determination, stubborn-ness and (if weird)strength takes to even have a serious eating disorder - we all have it. It's a horrible vice that's bad for our health but it DOES mean we're determined and strong - so I try to think there's always hope. Even a small goal like helping or counseling a few people.
You've cheered me up, anyway - thank you.
xx. T.



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User: tungata1
Date: 2009-12-31 22:43 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Haunting me
So glad that you replied...my friends really have 'feast or famine' with me emailing; it is either twice a day for a month or three months without a word........
Strong....yep.....spent a lifetime being strong and never knowing it till a few months ago...hiding it under a mask of weakness and timidity!!! Everyone else could see it though!
But you are an inspiration to us all!
Happy New Year! and look after yourself ( please!)
Diana ( aka tungata1)
x
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arwens_ghost
User: arwens_ghost
Date: 2009-12-31 23:34 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Haunting me
Sorry to be a 'famine' poster, but being in contact with people is kind of hard for me, as I suppose it is for many of us with EDs.
Just to say Hi and give you best wishes.
Hopes for a better year!
xx. T.
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User: tungata1
Date: 2010-01-01 00:21 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Haunting me
Ah! Bless you! Thank you!
Me.. I am terrified of people I know, so I know just where you are coming from ! Strangers, no problem; people I know....ooh! scary! They expect too much of me.
A good year to you too.
XXXXX
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