SO sorry not to reply for so long but it's part one of my problems - keeping in touch with people and reading my emails!
You sound to me like a lovely caring person who is actually very much stronger than you probably think.
If you think how much determination, stubborn-ness and (if weird)strength takes to even have a serious eating disorder - we all have it. It's a horrible vice that's bad for our health but it DOES mean we're determined and strong - so I try to think there's always hope. Even a small goal like helping or counseling a few people.
You've cheered me up, anyway - thank you.