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cross-posted news letter - My heart is mine to give to whom I will
..and I have the Gift of a Mortal Life..or choose to fade with the Grey Ships.

Date: 2010-01-01 17:20
Subject: cross-posted news letter
Security: Public
How am I? I'm so used to just saying 'I'm ok' like we all seem to have to do IRL most the time - but truly I guess I'm just up and down.

I'm trying slowly to move out of my old home (The old house holds many bad memories and I've been living with mum for TOO long!)
So I'm lucky enough to have a cool new apartment which I'm moving into bit by bit. - still struggling with the EDs and alcohol sometimes but I still have hopes and dreams of living a somewhat normal life.

Still wanting/needing a Job - which is hard in this current economic situation AND me still looking obviously thin and being kind of ill. Depression, self-harm, alcoholism and EDs really don't stand you in a very good position for job-hunting! But, hey - I'm still at least hopeful and willing to try. - and my new therapist is great. I think he's actually helping me lots. I AM a LOT better than I now than have been.

Having said that I've only just got out of hospital. It wasn't even my own fault (for once) - I had a seriously bad allergic reaction to my anti-depressant pills. I've bounced back pretty well though apart from my voice. I sound like a demented Darth-Vader and can only whisper afterhaving tube-feed and a ventilator shoved down my throat - sedated in intensive care. Still - sedation is always nice. I love being away with the fairies on diazepam!

I also have a cool new hamster, Pan, who is giving much me much hamstery joy. We even managed to have a nice xmas and new-year.
xx. T.
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User: cherrychoker
Date: 2010-01-01 17:37 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm glad to hear that you're doing well and you like your therapist. Shame about the reaction though :/
I hope my journal isn't triggering for you, I do tend to use lj cuts a lot of the time though so you can swerve it on your friends page!

Happy new year! xx
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User: distortedbones
Date: 2010-01-02 00:56 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Yay hamster! :]

I'm glad you're doing better now than in the past.

How's your weight been, if you don't mind me asking?
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User: arwens_ghost
Date: 2010-01-04 16:38 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)

- still weight FAR to low to be anywhere near healthy - but at least I'm not so scared of it going up - a bit - slowly!!

I've never had body image problems in mirrors. I SEE myself as skinny and ugly-thin, so I'd kind of like a few curves in the right places now. NUMBERS on scales still freak me out when they go up, though. I'm hoping a bit of excersise and TRY a bit of sensuble eating will make some muscle go on and not fat. Gah, I just weird myself out sometimes.

I want to be better but it's still SO hard to hear it right when people say 'oh you're looking better'!! Why?

xx. T.
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March 2013